A No Clothes Cruise to Remember

Today’s story comes in from Jay Herring, author of The Truth About Cruise Ships. You can read the first chapter at: www.TheTruthAboutCruiseShips.com.

My wife, Mirka, was a crewmember during a nude cruise that happened on the Ecstasy. From the casino cage, she had a great vantage point, and this story comes from her.

The passenger rules were simple. They had to be over eighteen and clothes had to be worn when the ship was docked and during the captain’s party. If they weren’t wearing bottoms, then they had to carry a towel and sit on it instead of directly on the chairs. Other than that, clothing was optional for the entire cruise. Boobs, butt, and schlong could be hanging and dangling all day long.

The charter was announced to the crew a month before the sailing date. After an overview of what to expect, the crew had the option to be temporarily transferred if they felt uncomfortable. About 2% took this option, and they were sent to a different ship at Carnival’s expense. The crew that stayed had the option of working fully naked or being dressed in their normal uniform. 0% of the crew worked naked.

One of the problems was that passengers didn’t always use their towels, and it just wasn’t a pleasant sight to see someone’s nether regions on a community chair. The housekeeping department was diligent about wiping everything down and security helped enforce the towel rule, but once the crewmembers witnessed bare skin touch a chair, they just didn’t want to sit there anytime soon.

The passengers also sat at the dining tables and ate their food naked. Now I’m all for naked dining when I’m at home by myself, but I’m not about to share my bread basket with some hairy old guy who just scratched.
The crew mostly disliked the naked bodies. Only about 5% of these bodies were young and in shape. 10% were average. The other 85% were either old, or fat, or both. The average passenger age was fifty and their flesh jiggled in the dining room as they danced the naked Macarena. Many of the women were obscenely overweight, and one woman had multiple rolls on her stomach, which her sagging boobs rested on. She started covering herself toward the end of the cruise, probably because of the tacit scorn of the eyes upon her.
The casino employees had no desire to look at these naked bodies, and since the assistant casino manager was married to the refrigeration engineer, the A/C was set to be really cold in the casino. This forced the passengers to wear robes. It made the casino staff cold, too, but they thought it was worth it. It worked for a couple of days until the passengers complained and the thermostat had to be raised.
One of the ports was a private island. A few of the crewmembers went to the island to check it out, but reported that the passengers didn’t act different than anyone else on a beach, they just didn’t have their clothes on.
Although none of the crew worked fully naked, some of the crew did participate. By their own decision, the ship’s dancers did one of their production shows topless, and they also partied in the passenger disco topless. There was an overweight guy named Jack who worked in the casino, and he went to the disco completely naked. Ship’s security wouldn’t let him in because he didn’t have a name tag, so he went back to his cabin and put on shorts so that he would have a place to pin his name tag. Security said no, you have to wear your name tag in the normal chest area position. So right there, while standing outside the disco as the security officer watched, Jack took the needle from his name tag and pierced it through his nipple and set the latch. Then he took off his shorts and danced his way into the disco completely naked and victorious.

It was all very entertaining for the crew. Mirka was in the casino cage when a male passenger walked up to her counter. He was tall and the countertop reached just below his waist, and when he leaned forward, it curled up like an inchworm on top of the counter. He wasn’t trying to be offensive or even funny. He just wanted to exchange his chips for cash. She tried not to look, but as he talked about his bad luck at the tables, she couldn’t help but notice that the cold granite counter caused just enough shrinkage to make it point directly at her.
Instead of a formal night, the nude cruise had a costume night. There were all types of costumes both erotic and funny. A brunette girl, who was beautiful and had a body in the top five percentile, wore an outfit that was made of black vinyl. The costume was snug fitting and wrapped around her neck with a low-cut back that tapered into a G-string from behind, and left her privates completely exposed.
One guy named Bill wore some suspenders that were covered in fluffy brown imitation fur. But instead of latching onto pants, the end of the suspenders had a stuffed toy monkey that wrapped its hands around Bill’s parts. Because the casino was so cold, there wasn’t much to grab onto, and when the Fluff Monkey lost its grip, the suspenders snapped up.
“Hey, watch your monkey!” one of the other passengers at the blackjack table would yell as everyone laughed and hollered.
The guy would stretch the monkey and put him back in place, and a few minutes later it would snap up again and someone would blurt out, “Run for your lives, the monkey is on the loose again!”

Jay Herring is the author of The Truth About Cruise Ships.  You can read the first chapter at: www.TheTruthAboutCruiseShips.com.

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